Kevin Garnett said Portland. Live, on a streamer’s channel, N3ON. “I’ll never coach, but if I could coach a team? Yes, Portland. I like Portland.” 2008 NBA champion, 2008 defensive player of the year, Hall of Famer since 2020, and he picks a bench. Me, I hear that, I hear an entrance.
So I wrote it. Thirty seconds. Saturday night, half past eight, the two school fête spotlights trained on the bench.
Dark. Well, half the dark, the caretaker keeps his strip lights. [jingle, cut just before the chorus] “Mesdames et messieurs, dames en heren, he chose Portland over Minnesota, over Boston. He says there’s something about the Blazers we haven’t seen yet. Your hypothetical coach tonight…” Two-second pause. “Kevin… Garnett!”
And then, nothing. Nobody comes out of the tunnel. Fair enough: he warned us, he hasn’t got the patience, he prefers teaching. He was honest. I’m the one who hit the jingle.
The worst part is I had the rest of the announcement. He likes that Portland kept Damian Lillard, Ja Morant, Jrue Holiday, Scoot Henderson. He wants small ball, perimeter play to beat the Spurs and OKC. A whole game plan, delivered free, on a stream. The richest league in the world has a Hall of Famer talking coaching live, and nobody thought of the spotlights.
An introduction for someone who isn’t on the sheet. I’m not timing it.
Portland’s real coach is Micah Nori. Him I’ll introduce whenever he likes, in the dark, with the full jingle. Garnett, I’m keeping the recording. You never know. Just saying.
It’s true, we checked: BeBasket.
