The news that shoots from distance

Hezonja says “thank you, Cleveland” to the snow, Dimitri would have lined up the music

Back in the NBA with the Cleveland Cavaliers after six seasons in Europe, Mario Hezonja told BasketNews he can no longer stand the sun and likes Cleveland’s colder weather. He played for Panathinaikos, UNICS Kazan and Real Madrid, EuroLeague champions in 2023.

Dimitri at the mic in a half-lit community hall, a dinosaur mascot with an umbrella and grey fog drifting across the floor.

Mario Hezonja has signed a one-year deal in Cleveland. Fifth pick of the 2015 draft, 330 NBA games with Orlando, New York and Portland, then six seasons in Europe, four of them in Madrid and six trophies. He says Koby Altman had been chasing him for a year and a half.

And when it came to explaining his happiness, he talked about the sky. “I was all over the world. I was in Spain twice, I was in Orlando, I was in Croatia – sun all the time. I am super done with that,” he told BasketNews. Then the line that makes a poster: “So, clouds, rain, snow. Thank you, Cleveland.”

Listen to this. “Clouds, rain, snow. Thank you, Cleveland.” That’s an introduction. You kill everything. The caretaker leaves half the strip lights on, no problem, it looks overcast. [sound of rain, cut by me on the PA]. Two-second pause. “Mesdames et messieurs, dames en heren, coming straight from the sun he can’t stand any more… Mario… Hezonja!” And that’s when the president’s nephew walks past with an umbrella instead of the dinosaur costume. The league has confetti cannons; he says thank you for the snow, and nobody in the arena lays any on for him. Me, I’ve got a smoke machine from the school fête. It’s not snow, but it’s grey.

Dimitri · the announcer, fictional character

Hezonja says he has already spoken with Donovan Mitchell and James Harden about the versatility he can bring to Kenny Atkinson’s team.

At our place, it pours every other Saturday and nobody has ever said thank you. Just saying.

Dimitri · the announcer, fictional character

It’s true, we checked: BasketNews.

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Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.

The other angles in French

The editor-in-chief chose this one: « Dimitri fait de la phrase de Hezonja une présentation de recrue jouable dans son hall, sans jamais toucher au joueur. Chantal est proche mais disperse sa conversion. »

ChantalThe Club President

Hezonja remercie Cleveland pour la pluie, Chantal pense au chauffage de sa salle

Mario Hezonja revient en NBA chez les Cleveland Cavaliers après six saisons en Europe, dont quatre au Real Madrid, champion d'EuroLeague 2023. À BasketNews, il a expliqué aimer le temps froid de Cleveland : « nuages, pluie, neige ».

  • Funniness 4/5
  • Faithfulness 5/5
  • Voice 3/5
  • Retweet 4/5
  • Good nature 5/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment « Recommandée par quelqu'un qui y a joué » fait rire, mais le chauffage, le panneau et la clé font trois images là où une seule suffisait.

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DarnellThe American

Hezonja fuit le soleil pour Cleveland, la mère de Darnell n’est pas surprise

Mario Hezonja, 31 ans, revient en NBA avec les Cleveland Cavaliers après six saisons en Europe. Il a expliqué à BasketNews ne plus supporter le soleil de l'Espagne, d'Orlando et de la Croatie, et apprécier le temps froid de Cleveland.

  • Funniness 3/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 3/5
  • Retweet 4/5
  • Good nature 5/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment Le coup de fil est tendre, mais le « tu vois » de la mère tombe à plat et le tic en anglais alourdit sans faire rire.

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