The news that shoots from distance

Kings owner turns team dinner into a roast: Dimitri would have done the intro

According to Zach Lowe, as reported by BasketNews, Vivek Ranadive, owner of the Sacramento Kings, turned a team dinner into a roast by listing the failures of players, coaches and executives. The analyst says some saw it as a way to motivate a team that has become a “media punchline”.

Dimitri holds a microphone, pausing before a team dinner in a half-lit community hall under two spotlights.

A roast. A proper show format, with a target, a room and laughs written into the schedule. And according to Zach Lowe, Kings owner Vivek Ranadive did one at a training dinner, in front of the whole team and staff, turning it into a roast of lots of people in the room and listing the ways they had been failing as players, coaches, executives. I read that and my first question was: who did the intro?

Because a roast gets announced. Here it is again, Saturday-night version, half past eight, caretaker asked to switch off his lights:

“Mesdames et messieurs, dames en heren, this is the moment. Tonight, for you, a dinner. And on the mic… [two seconds of silence] … the owner! [jingle] Make some noise.”

There you go. Now everyone knows what’s coming. We laugh together, the target stands up, takes a bow. The caretaker would have switched off only half the strip lights, and the sound system would have had an opinion, but at least we’d have known it was a show.

Zach Lowe says some people were alarmed and thought: “this is not going over the way you intended”. Others got it. According to him, the owner was basically saying: here’s what people say about you. “Prove us wrong.” That’s a line for the end of a player intro. I’d put it right before the starting five come out.

An introduction at a dinner doesn’t fit in my column.

Martine · the scorer's table, fictional character

For me, everything is in order. A roast with no intro is a speech. A speech with an intro is a moment. The Kings confirmed the gist to Zach Lowe. The jingle is at their disposal.

Just saying.

It’s true, we checked: BasketNews.

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Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.

The other angles in French

The editor-in-chief chose this one: « Seul Dimitri tient le fait par le rituel du spectacle sans juger la personne, et sa chute retourne gentiment l'histoire. Les autres glissent vers la morale sur la méthode ou vers une pique contre l'équipe ou le propriétaire. »

MartineThe Scorer's Table

Un roast au dîner des Kings, l’essentiel confirmé : la table note « dîner, pas match »

Selon Zach Lowe, cité par BasketNews, Vivek Ranadive, propriétaire des Sacramento Kings, a énuméré devant toute l'équipe et le staff leurs échecs lors d'un dîner d'entraînement. Le club a confirmé l'essentiel à l'analyste.

  • Funniness 3/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 4/5
  • Retweet 3/5
  • Good nature 4/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment « Pas de table de marque dans un restaurant, il y a des tables » fonctionne, mais rappeler le 22-60 comme des « échecs déjà écrits » appuie sur l'équipe.

Read this angle →

DarnellThe American

Un roast au dîner des Kings : la mère de Darnell demande qui a payé l’addition

Selon l'analyste Zach Lowe, cité par BasketNews, le propriétaire des Sacramento Kings, Vivek Ranadive, a énuméré lors d'un dîner d'équipe les échecs des joueurs, coaches et dirigeants présents. Les Kings, 22-60 la saison dernière, ont confirmé l'essentiel.

  • Funniness 3/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 2/5
  • Retweet 2/5
  • Good nature 3/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment Le « là-bas / ici » généralise deux pays au lieu de parler de Darnell lui-même, et la question de l'addition finit en pique contre le propriétaire.

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