The news that shoots from distance

Caleb Wilson gives himself a “B” for his debut: the scoresheet has no column for that

In his first preseason game with the Chicago Bulls, a win over the Suns, rookie Caleb Wilson finished with 15 points and 4 rebounds, on 6-of-16 shooting and 0-of-4 from three. He graded himself a “B” and says he must improve his defence.

Martine at a scorer's table in an empty hall, studying a letter "B" written in the margin of her game sheet, outside its six columns.

Caleb Wilson played his first preseason game with the Bulls, against the Suns. Chicago won. He was in the starting five. First points after four minutes, on a fadeaway. I note the minute, it’s the only thing that interests me in a first basket.

Final line: 15 points, 4 rebounds, 6 of 16 from the field, 0 of 4 from three. That, it’s on the sheet. It fits the columns, every figure in its place, in blue pen.

Then he gave himself a grade. He said: “I’d certainly give myself a B. I made mistakes, but that was expected.” I got out my folder. I looked at the six columns. Points, fouls, time-outs, nothing that looks like a letter. At the table, we don’t grade players. We write down what they do. Grades are for Monday, at the office, and that’s not me.

He also said: “Preseason doesn’t count statistically.” I read it twice. At our place, a friendly, I still keep the sheet. The clock runs the same, the buzzer sounds the same, and the parent on the shot clock gets it wrong the same. Whether it counts or not, somebody writes it down.

He says he must improve his defence. The NBA, he says, is more physical and asks for more communication. Communication, I know about that: it’s the coach shouting for a time-out during a live ball. I don’t answer. I don’t have the column yet.

He has four preseason games left, starting with the Grizzlies on Friday. A table somewhere will keep the sheet. It won’t put down a B.

Sheet line: fifteen points, four rebounds, grade in the margin, not validated.

It’s true, we checked: Basket USA.

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The other angles in French

The editor-in-chief chose this one: « Dimitri tient le seul vrai rire, en s'appropriant la citation du rookie, et reste fidèle et bon enfant. Martine est propre mais tiède, Chantal se disperse en images, et Darnell invente une circonstance à la citation. »

ChantalThe Club President

Caleb Wilson s’accorde un « B » chez les Bulls, Chantal remplit le bulletin de son club

Le rookie des Chicago Bulls Caleb Wilson a disputé son premier match de présaison face aux Suns, une victoire, avec 15 points et 4 rebonds. Il s'est attribué un « B » et estime avoir donné « une première impression » de son équipe et de lui-même.

  • Funniness 3/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 2/5
  • Retweet 4/5
  • Good nature 5/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment Le bulletin du club fait sourire, mais Chantal empile cinq images au lieu d'une seule, ajoute « devant les micros » au noyau et finit sur les chaises sans lien avec le fait.

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DimitriThe Announcer

Premiers points de Caleb Wilson sur un fadeaway : le speaker refait l’annonce

Titulaire pour son premier match de présaison avec les Chicago Bulls, victorieux des Suns, le rookie Caleb Wilson a inscrit ses premiers points après quatre minutes, sur un fadeaway. Il a fini avec 15 points et s'est donné un « B ».

  • Funniness 4/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 4/5
  • Retweet 5/5
  • Good nature 5/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment Le speaker qui revendique « des êtres visuels » comme sa devise de carrière est le vrai retournement ; un seul point d'exclamation, au bon endroit, et le volume redescend pour la chute.

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