The news that shoots from distance

Sixteen technicals and songs in his head: Doncic tried, and so did the table

Luka Doncic finished the season among the NBA leaders in technical fouls, for dissent, and his 16th in March earned him a one-game suspension. He says he tried singing his favourite songs in his head to calm down, to no effect.

Martine at a scorer's table in a community hall hums with eyes closed over a scoresheet full of red Ts, her hand near the buzzer.

Luka Doncic was among the league leaders in technical fouls at the end of the season. For dissent towards the officials. The sixteenth came in March. A one-game suspension. It’s on the sheet.

He had been given a suggested technique: sing his favourite songs in his head to keep his emotions in check. He tried it. “Tried that. Didn’t work,” he told BasketNews.

I understand the principle. At the table, we sing in our heads too. Me, it’s during the last two minutes, when the coach is looking for his time-out and I’m looking for the button. It changes nothing on the clock. The clock doesn’t argue. Neither do I.

In the same article, his team-mate Austin Reaves says he thought about paying spectators to wind him up, because it takes him to another level. I have no opinion on that. I have no column for spectators. They talk, I don’t write.

Martine, if he’s singing in his head, at least give him a jingle.

Dimitri · the announcer, fictional character

A technical, at our place, is a box, a T, a red biro. Sixteen is sixteen boxes. Over there, after the sixteenth, they take a game off the calendar. For us, there’s the provincial committee on a Wednesday night with a jug of coffee. The buzzer’s gone. After that, it’s just talk.

Noted: technical number sixteen, March, song in his head, no effect.

It’s true, we checked: BasketNews.

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Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.