The news that shoots from distance

Mike Conley coaches the Celtics for a night: Darnell’s mother asks who picked him

Mike Conley, 39, the Boston Celtics point guard, ran his team’s rotations in a preseason game against Charlotte, at coach Joe Mazzulla’s request. Half of the GMs name him as the active player who would make the best coach.

Darnell sits in a community hall kitchen, phone to his ear, a play diagram on his clipboard and an empty chair beside him.

On Sunday, after dinner, I called my mother in Indiana. I told her that Mike Conley, 39, had run Boston’s rotations during a preseason game against Charlotte. Joe Mazzulla had asked him before the game. According to Basket USA, it was his first step into coaching.

She wanted to know what he had done. I told her: two minutes in, Derrick White picks up his second foul, and Conley leaves him on the floor. White doesn’t foul again, and Conley sticks to his plans. My mother said that was brave. I remembered 2000, my first season in Charleroi. Two fouls early on, and my coach sat me for the whole first quarter. I never knew if he was right. Nobody checked.

Conley told Basket USA it was “really about finding out how a coach thinks and what it means to have control of that kind of decision.” And Mazzulla sat next to him, guiding him on a few points. Let me tell you, that’s how I started with my U10s: a club veteran next to me, tapping my arm when I forgot the box-out.

I added that in the GM survey, half of them named him as the active player who would make the best coach. That Sam Hauser said he would be “a hell of a coach”. And that Conley hasn’t decided anything yet, he just wants to stay in basketball, as an executive, a coach or something else.

There was a silence on the line. Then my mother asked who had picked Conley. I said: his coach. She asked why his coach wasn’t coaching. I said it was to teach him. She said that if you want to teach someone, you let them do it and you keep quiet. I reminded her that Mazzulla did talk a bit.

I sit next to the treasurer too. And I talk a lot, mind you.

Chantal · the club president, fictional character

My mother thought it over, then said the boy had left a player with two fouls on the floor and that the player hadn’t picked up another. She said: see? He has already understood that you trust people.

It’s true, we checked: Basket USA.

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Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.

The other angles in French

The editor-in-chief chose this one: « Martine est la seule à transformer le fait en rituel de table qui déraille tout seul, avec une chute qui tient sans explication. Dimitri dépasse son quota d'exclamations, et Chantal comme Darnell restent aimables sans faire vraiment rire. »

ChantalThe Club President

Mike Conley coache Boston le temps d’un match : Chantal cherche qui range les chaises

Lors d'un match de présaison face à Charlotte, Mike Conley, 39 ans, a géré les rotations des Boston Celtics à la demande de Joe Mazzulla, assis à ses côtés. Selon Basket USA, ce sont ses premiers pas dans le coaching.

  • Funniness 3/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 3/5
  • Retweet 4/5
  • Good nature 5/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment « Je ne suis pas jalouse, je suis présidente » fait sourire, mais Chantal empile trois images (trésorière, ou autre, chaises) sans conversion nette, et la chute des chaises reste plate.

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MartineThe Scorer's Table

Mike Conley gère le banc des Celtics, Martine cherche la case de l’entraîneur

Lors d'un match de présaison face à Charlotte, Mike Conley a géré les rotations de Boston à la demande de Joe Mazzulla, assis à côté de lui. Il a laissé Derrick White sur le parquet après une deuxième faute en deux minutes.

  • Funniness 4/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 5/5
  • Retweet 5/5
  • Good nature 5/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment La logique de la feuille (deux cases, un seul bic, Conley au crayon et Mazzulla au bic) tient le titre et livre une vraie chute ; seul « en cours de saison » glisse pour un match de présaison.

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DimitriThe Announcer

Mike Conley devient coach un soir de présaison : Dimitri refait l’annonce du banc

Mike Conley, 39 ans, a géré les rotations des Boston Celtics lors d'un match de présaison face à Charlotte, à la demande de Joe Mazzulla. Il dit vouloir rester dans le basket après sa carrière, sans avoir encore choisi son rôle.

  • Funniness 3/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 2/5
  • Retweet 4/5
  • Good nature 4/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment La présentation au micro est vivante, mais le gag sur le point d'exclamation en écrit un second, et la chute sur le meneur devenu cafetier sonne triste.

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