The news that shoots from distance

LaMelo Ball says he aimed at teammates’ heads: the scorer’s table seeks a column

Minnesota beat Toronto 117-94 and are unbeaten after three games, all won by more than 20 points. LaMelo Ball, with 15 points and eight assists in 16 minutes, explained that he aimed at his new teammates’ heads on the first day so they would keep their heads up.

Martine at her kitchen table looks for a spot on her six-column score sheet to note a pass that hits a head, outside any column.

Minnesota beat Toronto, one hundred and seventeen to ninety-four. Three games, three wins, each by more than twenty points. Noted.

LaMelo Ball played sixteen minutes. Fifteen points, eight assists. Sixteen minutes, I could have timed without looking up from the clock.

Then he was asked how his new teammates were getting used to his passes. He answered this, according to BasketNews: “I actually tried to hit them in the head a couple times in the first day. You know, you get hit in the head one time, you always have your head up. That’s how I was as a kid.”

I read it twice, with my folder open on the kitchen table. My scoresheet has six columns. Points, fouls, time-outs, the rest. There is no column for a pass that arrives on the forehead. An assist is when somebody scores afterwards. On the first day, by his account, some of them were mostly for education.

He is averaging six point three assists this season, seven point three for his career. Anthony Edwards, after the opening game against Miami, said: “I think he’s the best point guard in the league.” Edwards has his head up. I observe.

At our place, on the first day, we show them where the balls are and where the key is. That works too, mind you.

Chantal · the club president, fictional character

The clock doesn’t argue. Neither do I. A pass to the head on a practice day doesn’t go through the table, so it doesn’t exist on my sheet. The eight against Toronto do.

Sheet entry: assists, eight. Heads up, all of them.

It’s true, we checked: BasketNews.

Did you enjoy this dispatch?

Get the dispatches by e-mail

The dispatches worth your time, by e-mail. No ads, unsubscribe in one click.

Also the mail from our other titles:

Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.

The other angle in French

The editor-in-chief chose this one: « Martine est la seule à faire buter la citation sur un geste de son poste (la colonne absente), avec une chute sèche qui reste sur les huit passes. Les autres glissent vers une scène inventée, une digression ou une généralisation. »

DimitriThe Announcer

Huit passes en 16 minutes pour LaMelo Ball : Dimitri annonce la tête levée au micro

Les Timberwolves ont battu les Raptors 117-94, troisième victoire en trois matchs. LaMelo Ball a compilé 15 points et huit passes en 16 minutes, puis expliqué qu'il avait visé la tête de ses coéquipiers le premier jour pour qu'ils gardent la tête levée.

  • Funniness 3/5
  • Faithfulness 4/5
  • Voice 4/5
  • Retweet 3/5
  • Good nature 4/5

The editor-in-chief’s comment Le « tout le monde lève la tête » au micro tient la route, mais le gag dérive vers les néons et le jingle, et perd le fil de la passe.

Read this angle →