The news that shoots from distance

Five lengths in a minute, five times over: Dimitri has already cut the jingle

On the Deuce and Mo podcast, Davion Mitchell described the Miami Heat fitness test: five lengths of the floor in one minute, two minutes of recovery, five repetitions. With most NBA teams, it’s three lengths.

Dimitri at his sound desk in an empty hall, stopwatch in hand, a 58-second jingle shown on his laptop.

« With most teams, you have to run the court three times in a minute. In Miami, you have to do it five times », Davion Mitchell said on the Deuce and Mo podcast. And after the minute, two minutes of rest, then you start again. Five times. The guard added that it was « one of the hardest things » he has done in his life.

Dimitri heard « five times » and understood that there was a structure. Five sets means five entrances.

Mesdames et messieurs, dames en heren, set number three. [jingle] Lights out, two seconds of silence, and then the first name. One minute on the clock, make some noise, and ooone! Two minutes of recovery is exactly one time-out plus one time-out, so I’ve got the president’s nephew and the dinosaur costume to cover them. Five sets, five moments. Best format of the season, and it’s being played with no sound system, in a podcast.

Dimitri · the announcer, fictional character

The drill gets described in a podcast, with numbers, and that’s it. No introduction, no kiss-cam, no announcer. Maybe that’s what makes it hard. Just saying.

A minute is a minute. Five times is five times, with two minutes in between. That holds up with a stopwatch, not with an opinion. It’s on the sheet.

Martine · the scorer's table, fictional character

Dimitri still cut a fifty-eight-second jingle, « to leave two seconds for the last stride ». He points out that he won’t play it: he has nobody to make run on a Saturday morning, and his sound system is locked in with the hall.

Mitchell says he failed his first attempt last year, having not trained at the Kaseya Center in the preceding weeks. Giannis Antetokounmpo is about to discover the test, described as one of the toughest in the NBA.

It’s true, we checked: Basket USA.

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Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.